Not your everyday web site!
Just a quick up-date on the happenings in Whitstable that I missed while I took time away from the web site.
The Mr. Happy competition took place in Whitstable back in May. The favourite; Chris Davey was piped at the post by this happy chappie.
A spokesman for Mr. Davey said “it had been a good year for Chris right up to the competition he had not once broken into a smile all year, but three minutes before the crucial judging Chris thought about his old flat cap, and how it made him look like Cosmo Smallpiece and a smile crept onto his face”.
Better luck next year Chris.
The Meridian crew were in Whitstable on 25th July to show the world that Sangeeta was a game girl.
It was the first time she had ever swallowed, and it showed on her face.
Gemma was also there, but rumour has it she’s too posh to swallow. It’s just a shame the festival organisers could not come up with a hot tub for her.
This years Mud Tug was once again won by the Vestas team in a well fought battle. With a change in the line-up from last year, they made their mark from the very beginning.
Last year they were presented with a cup and a case of Sol Beer. This year they were presented with the cup and a willing bird!
From the muddy hand prints on Mair’s clothing it was evident that their prize was gratefully received.
With a recent influx into Whitstable of foreign (anyone born outside the CT5 district) home owners and workers. The badges on sale during the festival saying “Not DFL” have reached unbelievable prices on E-Bay.
One person who we will call Neil said “Canterbury Council have started something big here, I can’t wait for them to bring out the `Pikey and Proud` badge”!
With record contestants in this year’s Oyster Eating Competition organised by WOFA, it was always going to be a close race!
With contestants from the States, Australia, the Philippines and London, Nev Hatton, last years winner; had a lot of competition! But no matter how many outsiders competed, the final was between two Whitstable oyster lovers.
Nev won the event for the second year with an outstanding time.
One of Whitstable’s oyster experts; Brian, was asked why the oyster had become so popular in recent years. “It has always been popular, going back as far as the Roman times, Whitstable oysters have been known as a good source of nutrition and a forerunner to Viagra ©”. When asked about this aphrodisiac claim, Brian said it was to do with the little known fact that the dick of the oyster; in relation to it’s body, is even longer than that of the blue whale!
Further evidence in the popularity of Whitstable seafront abodes was brought to light when one famous Jock was found to be building his own wee house on the beach. When confronted by locals he scampered away shouting that the big kids made him do it!
Locals in Whitstable have hit the news recently after coaxing UFO’s into the town.
A breeding program is now underway to see if a paper bag can be successfully crossed with a Herne Bay local and sent back into space to convey to the extra terrestrials that life does not exist on earth!
NEWSFLASH:
500 of these mutations were launched recently from Tankerton, no more sighting have been seen since.
I think they got the message!
Dead Horse Morris hit the news as it’s membership swells since the latest recruitment drive. With incentives like free booze and a new stick to whack your mate with, the side now has in excess of 35 members.
In an article in the local E-paper, one of the side said something like “Unlike some sides, we encourage women to dance. We also encourage them to buy their own drink and not to ask questions about the off side rule in football. In fact we are starting up a women’s side later this year” I can’t wait to see a women suffering from a hangover wielding a bloody great stick. The spokesman for the side went on to say he is confident about the future. So there Mr. Brown, the people of Whitstable will not be disheartened as you bollix things up!
Revolted at the amount of dogs' muck on the streets? A mystery activist in a Kent town has planted flags in the piles or circled them with chalk. In other towns, the Council pick it up! But heh, this is Whitstable and all our financial contributions go to Canterbury.
Messages such as "take it with you", "disgusting" and "dog poo" have appeared next to dog excrement in Clare Road, just in case you did not know what it was you were looking at!
And in the footpath between Cromwell Road and Reservoir Road, flags have been stuck in the excrement urging owners to clean up the mess or suffer the penalties as shown on one of Canterbury Councils Posters..
The flags in the poo claim that dog owners "are being watched" and face being fined £400.
But according to Canterbury City Council's Posters, owners caught allowing their dogs to foul can be hit with far steeper penalty including having their dog shot!
A spokesman for the Council said “Dog mess should be placed in one of the city council's specially marked overflowing red bins, but can also be placed in an ordinary litter bin, provided it is bagged and sealed”.
The Gazette even ran a story on this phantom turd decorator in this weeks paper, and asked the following:
Can you come up with a nickname for the mystery dog dirt activist?
Do you know who the person is? (please don’t tell them it’s me!)
Email whitstablegazette@thekmgroup.co.uk or phone 01227 475985.
PS. News is slow at present in Town since most of the 2nd home owners have hit hard times. Visit Kentonline to see how many people think their shit is worse than ours!
